Another Epiphany

I know why I’m so angry all the time.

I don’t know why it’s taken me so long, but I’m starting to realize why I’m so anxious all the time, so emotional and upset. I’m so mad at everyone thats done me wrong, everyone thats walked up and down me like stairs and still expects me to be there for them; everyone thats taken advantage of my body and/or my generosity and compassion towards them.

I can’t stand them. I have such hatred for them I can feel it pulsing through my veins in the form of this constant adrenaline rush. I’m so angry at them for throwing away such great friendships and turning into first-class, selfish assholes. I’m angry that they would please themselves on the temple that is my mind and my body and all the love that I so generously give. I’m furious that they think they can just stick a bandaid on me and declare me “just fine” when I’m raging on the inside because of their ridiculous greed.

I’m also angry at those who just don’t take me seriously. Using my anxiety as a crutch, you say? I’m weak? Well maybe you’d know what exactly I’m going through if you took the time of day to ask me how the fuck I’m feeling, instead of caring about how my emotions are affecting the family so much. Maybe if you stopped caring about your own damned self, I’d feel more welcome in this environment. And you wonder why I pounce on every word you say, because maybe those words hurt more than you realize. But you’d never know why, unless you ASKED ME QUESTIONS. But whatever…

Now I take it out on the people that are still in my life. And they do not deserve it. I’m so so sorry to my boyfriend, that deals with my ever changing moods, my sudden switch to anger. He loves me with the tenderness and genuine kindness that I deserve and have always deserved, and I’ll always try to repay him for that. Thank you sweetie.

But it’s so nice to finally discover the root of my anger, and I hope I alone can resolve this.

I get so sick of humanity sometimes, it’s bad for my health (humanity).

Cuidigh Liom

Tuigeann aon duine cé chomh deacair é seo.
An gá dom do lámh a shealbhú.
Is dóigh liom uafásach seo scríobadh thíos faoi mo chraiceann,
Go bpléadálann dom a scríobadh ar ais.
Tost é.
Déan é stad,
Le do thoil…

<3